Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
