Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
