I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
