u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
