my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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