I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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