Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
