i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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