i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
