Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
