and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
sex in a hospital.. check
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
