Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
