Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
