Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
