We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
