dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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