I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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