he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
