I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.