he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
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We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..