I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future