I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"