JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...