I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
