She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
