I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
