i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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