i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
