____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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