GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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