Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
