I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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