We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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