I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
