dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
