You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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