he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
