i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
