We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
