I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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