planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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