Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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