I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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