he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize