my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
