So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
