Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
