Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That was before I lit my hair on fire
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
