I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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