I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
