Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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