His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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