FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
