They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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