Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
