I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
