I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
