Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
