She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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