I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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