Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize