You smell like stripper and shame
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
