I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i out mim tonsoeep
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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