she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk is a universal language darling
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