found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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